The longest night indeed.
It was a cold, dreary December Sunday in Montgomery and I spent most of the day at home deep cleaning my house and struggling with my thoughts. What if the PET scan comes back and the cancer has spread? What if we didn't catch this in time? What if this cancer kills me. Who will love my children as much as I do? Who will scratch my son's back every night? Who will comb the tangles out of my daughter's hair and make sure she knows she is beautiful crooked teeth, cowlick and all? Who will be their biggest cheerleader? Who will teach them, advise them, protect them like I can? And as the night grew darker so did my thoughts.
My bedroom closet, my pantry, and my refrigerator were all cleaned out and spotless. I made a big veggie supper. I cuddled on the couch with my kids and made sure not to let them see me crying.
Then I went to bed. And it was very dark.
But the thing about the Winter Solstice is that it lasts for only a moment in time and after that moment things can only get brighter.
I awoke this morning to a new day. Amongst my blessings, I received an email from Lea Ann Higgins, she graduated high school with my brother. She told me she read my initial blog entry and it inspired her to press on with a business venture she's been thinking about starting. She spent many years working for an oncology pharma group and knows a lot about the needs of cancer patients. So she started a business called Gracious Favour. Gracious Favour creates tote bags filled to the brim with items you need during cancer treatment. She asked if I would take one of her prototypes and let her know my thoughts on each of the items! She went out of her way to meet me at the Carmichael Imaging Center this afternoon to deliver me a bag and spend a few minutes encouraging me and giving me some great advice.
A soft blanket for warmth. Ginger drops for nausea. Hand sanitizer for germs. Colored pencils and coloring sheets for distraction. How wonderful!
This is not the first time in the past week I've seen God use my cancer to affirm someone else.
It's as if God said, "Ronda, I'm allowing cancer into your life to affirm someone's career path. I'm allowing cancer into your life so that someone will hold your hand and pray out loud for the first time in their life. I'm allowing cancer into your life so that someone who has been discouraged for years will be encouraged. I'm allowing cancer into your life so that relationships will be restored. I'm allowing cancer into your life for my Glory.
And things got brighter.