Monday, March 9, 2015

Deceptive Looks

I recently texted a colleague to let him know I would not be able to attend an important event because I was having a hard time with my treatment.  He immediately picked up the phone to call and check on me.  He was so kind and very sorry I was having a hard time and said he was glad I hadn't really had bad days until now.  I smiled and said, "I've had lots of bad days since December, but you only see me on my good days."

Well we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of the stranger 
But we love to try them on 
(Billy Joel, The Stranger)

The truth is chemotherapy is bad, very bad. A necessary evil. But the medical community has made great strides helping patients cope with the side effects. There have been improvements. Everyone is aware of cancer, but not everyone is aware of what chemotherapy really does to the human body.
When I am out and about on my good days, the number one comment I get is "Well, you look wonderful."  There is an underlying current of surprise in their voice, as if they expect me to look like Tom Hanks in the movie Philadelphia.  Yet, somehow I appear perfectly normal. Truth is, on my bad days I do look a lot like Hanks, I just keep it at the house, on the couch, wallowing in my misery.
So many of you are all too aware of chronic pain and physical suffering of all kinds.  You've got debilitating illnesses for which the doctor has no cure.  You medicate, you seek out endless doctors, you suffer. You power through every day in spite of your misery, in spite of the fact that you want to crawl in bed and stay there all day.  Never before have I been able to understand or empathize with the daily horror you experience.  You are amazing. I am so very sorry for the road you have to walk through this life. You power through, and you wear your mask beautifully.
Of course I only speak for myself and my own experiences.  Chemo is not one size fits all. A treatment regiment is developed based on many factors including the type and stage of cancer you have. Not all chemo makes your hair fall out, or makes you nauseated, or burns your skin.  But on my bad days I feel like I have the flu, am extremely nauseated, cannot eat, have to force myself to drink, headaches, mouth sores, burned skin, fatigue, and of course the whole bald thing just to name some of the effects.  And there are more bad side effects I can expect over the next few weeks.
After the first few rounds of chemo I described the effects as difficult but bearable and within a few days the effects would disappear altogether.  With the accumulation of the poison in my system I would now say the effects are difficult and at times unbearable and I don't seem to bounce back in between treatments as well as before. While this isn't the chemo of the 80s, it is still pretty tough stuff. But thankfully, it is temporary. I will rise from the miry clay and my weeping will last just through the night, then my joy comes with the morning!

Three more chemotherapy treatments to go.
April 13, 2015 should be my last treatment.
Then surgery.
Then radiation.
We know the chemo is killing the cancer cells, we also know it is impacting healthy tissue as well.  Once the treatments are done my healthy tissue should win the day and I should start feeling back to myself. 
So when you see the pretty blond girl with the smile on her face out and about, please remember looks can be very deceiving.  Cause this girl...and that girl are one in the same.  And neither of them feel all that great.










13 comments:

  1. Replies
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      Delete
  2. I am andry jane from Los Angeles, I am grateful to Dr.aze who help me to help put a end to my HIV positive [+ ve] illness. I saw a blog on the Internet on how this Powerful Healer healed someone. As a patient who know this will take my life one day, and I have to live with other relatives and friends as well. So I copied Dr. aze, the traditional healer email id: dr.azerootandherb@gmail.com and contacted him. I would say that he is God sent to me. last week I went to close by the hospital to check my HIV status, it was surprising that the lab technician said the test result was HIV negative [-ve]. You can contact him at dr.azerootandherb@gmail.com telephone number or whatsapp +2348116711344
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    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Friends i am so glad to write this article today to tell the world how Dr Ekpiku cured my HSV VIRUS,i have been detected with HSV-1 AND HSV-2 since five years ago, ever since then my life has been in complete bizarre and agony,i have used so many drugs that was prescribed to me by several doctors,but it didn't cure my HSV VIRUS neither did it reduce the pain,until a certain i was checking for solution in the internet,then miraculously came across Dr Ekpiku the powerful herbalist that cure numerous individuals HSV-1 AND HSV-2 INFECTION,then i contacted his email: ekpikuspellhomeofgrace@gmail.com i explained everything to him and prepared a cure that cure my HSV-1 AND HSV-2 disease totally after receiving his herbal medicine, so my friends viewers why wait and be suffer when there is someone like Dr Ekpiku that can cure any disease HIV/ CANCER/ HEPATITIS B VIRUS, you can contact his via: ekpikuspellhomeofgrace@hotmail.com or what apps, call +2348073673757.

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  5. I'm Success Puga from Los Angeles.Dr Ero herbal cure is 100% Guarantee percent sure to cure your HEPATITIS B,He is only person that i can boldly say he can cure any types of Disease.i was having HEPATITIS B for more than 5 year when i met Dr Ero online how on how he has cured so many people and how greatly he has helped many individuals online,so i contacted him and explained my situation to him and behold i was cure with his herbal medicine and now we are living happily, so to anyone issue on herpes challenges i advised that you contact dreroherbaltreatment@gmail.com he can also cure any disease such as HIV/AIDS HEPATITIS B,DIABETICS,CANCER,HERPES HE is the great herbalist man called Dr.Ero i must say a big thanks for curing my disease, i owe you in return. Thanks and be blessed sir.his Mobil number +2349077338035.

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  6. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS FOR CURING ME FROM A DEADLY DISEASE HEPATITIS B.
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    ReplyDelete
  7. Hello, sami jhon by name, I am testifying about Dr.ojoka the
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    I thought about it, so I got in touch with Dr.ojoka by email
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    (THIS TYPE OF DISEASES DOCTOR KEN SPECIALIZED IN)

    {1} HIV / AIDS
    {2 CANCER
    {3} HERPES
    {4} DIABETES
    (5) HEPATITIS B & C
    (6 HPV
    (7) V.B
    (8) HERBAL PREGNANCY MEDICINE.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Most prostate cancers are adenocarcinomas, cancers that arise in glandular cells of the prostate’s epithelial tissue. Prostate cancers usually progress slowly and produce no symptoms in the initial stages. Eventually, the tumor may enlarge like mine use too, the prostate gland, pressing on the urethra and causing painful or frequent urination and blood in the urine. So I was so uncomfortable with this prostate cancer diseases then I decided to do online search on how to cure cancer because I well have read a lot about herbal medicine,I came across a lot of testimony how Dr Itua cure HIV/herpes then Cancer was listed below the comment.with courage I contacted Dr Itua and he sent me his herbal medicine through Courier service then I was asked to pick it up at my post office which i quickly did. I contacted Dr Itua that i have received my herbal medicine so he instructs me on how to drink it for three weeks and that is how Dr Itua Herbal Medicine cure my prostate Cancer, The treatment takes three weeks and I was cured completely. Dr Itua is a god sent and I thank him every day of my life. Contact him now On:Email:drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com/ info@drituahebalcenter.com. Whatsapp:+2348149277967.
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    ReplyDelete
  9. If you have Herpes in your whole body such as fever blisters, hsv, or roofing shingles you know what it is like to stay with the pain and discomfort that herpes delivers. I don't need to tell you how awesome it would be to find something that works so well that you no longer need to fear about stress or outbreak,Dr Itua herbal medicine cure my herpes in two weeks of taking it.is genuine and natural herbal medicine it has no side effect, The reason I'm writing this is that I promised Dr Itua I will share his herbal work to the world to see Herpes is no more a big deal.also Dr Itua can as well cure the following diseases...HIV,Hsv 1/2,Hepatitis B,Breast Cancer, Cervical Cancer,Leukuemia Cancer,Lung Cancer,Brain CANCER,Blood Cancer,Prostate Cancer,Diabetes, Men/Woman Infertility, Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity
    Syndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva.Fatal Familial Insomnia Facator V Leiden Mutation , Lottery Spell,Copd, Shingles,Fibroid, Fibromyalgia, Liver/Kidney Inflamotry, Epilepsy,Hpv,Weak Erection,Wart Remover,Cold Sore, Coeliac disease,Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease,Cerebral Amyloid Angiopathy, Glaucoma., Cataracts,Macular degeneration,Cardiovascular disease,Lung disease.Enlarged prostate,Osteoporosis.Alzheimer's disease,
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    ReplyDelete
  10. I was diagnosed of Herpes 2years ago and I have tried all possible means to get the cure but all to no avail, until i saw a post in a health forum about a Herbal Doctor(Dr imoloa who prepares herbal medicine to cure all kind of diseases including Herpes, at first i doubted, if it was real but decided to give him a trial, when i contacted Dr imoloa through his Email: drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com he guided me and prepared a herbal medicine and sent it to me via courier Delivery service,when i received the package (herbal medicine) He gave me instructions on how to consume it, i started using it as instructed and i stop getting outbreaks and the sores started vanishing, could you believe i was cured of this deadly virus within two to three weeks and notices changes in my body. Days of using this REMEDY,couldn't believe the healing at first until i see it as my HERPES get cleared like magic Dr imoloa also use his herbal medicine to cure diseases like, HIV/aids, lupus disease, dry cough, fever, malaria, bronchitis disease, cystic fibrosis, Lyme disease, acute myeloid leukaemia, alzheimer's disease, blood poisoning, measles, cervical cancer, kidney cancer, chronic kidney disease, diarrhoea, epilepsy, joint pain, mouth ulcer,bowel cancer, discoid eczema, eye cancer, food poisoning, fibroid, hairy cell leukaemia, mouth cancer, skin cancer disease, lung cancer, rheumatoid lung disease, liver disease, penile cancer, parkinson disease, arthritis, breast cancer, bone cancer hepatitis A.B.C, Diabetes, fatigue, muscle aches, anal cancer, asthma, Contact this great herbal Doctor today the father of herbalism. via Email: drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com or whatssapp him +2347081986098. and get cured permanently He is real..

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am here to give my testimony about Dr Anuge who helped me.. i want to inform the public how i was cured from (HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS) by Dr Anuge, i visited different hospital but they gave me list of drugs like Famvir, Zovirax, and Valtrex which is very expensive to treat the symptoms and never cured me. I was browsing through the Internet searching for remedies on HERPES and I saw comments of people talking about how Dr anuge cured them. When I contacted him he gave me hope and sent Herbal medicine to me that I took for just 2 weeks and it seriously worked for me, my HERPES result came out negative. I am so happy as I am sharing this testimony. My advice to you all who thinks that there is no cure for herpes that is Not true just contact him and get cure from Dr Anuge healing herbal cure of all kinds of sickness you may have like
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    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA
    (10)SIMPLEX HERPES AND GENITAL
    (11)COLD SORE
    and mare that are not mentioned here He also cured my friend from cervical cancer. so contact him through his Email address : dranuge@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +234816466838 

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